Hugs
by Zahnmai
Summary: Elizabeth Weir experiences an epiphany after John flies off to blow up the Wraith hive ship. When he comes back, she feels more than she thinks she should. General angst fluff.


_She loved him._ Elizabeth Weir looked in the bathroom mirror and sighed. _Why?_ He was confident and brash. He broke the rules if it violated his principals, and it nearly cost him his career. He never played it safe. He was everything Simon wasn't, and his devastatingly beautiful smile, perpetually tousled hair, piercing stare and easy-going, somewhat sarcastic nature was totally different than what she was used to.

And, now this personal epiphany; after he flew away, after he went to blow himself up to stop the Wraith. _Beth, you are falling for this man, and he's about to die._ Sheppard had looked at her with those beautiful dark eyes of his and walked away into a puddle jumper.

The fact that he was alive on the Daedelus confirmed what had only been a niggling, nagging feeling at the back of her mind. Now, it wasn't in back of her mind; it was at the forefront. Hearing his voice -- How may Sheppards do you know? -- that funny, slightly sardonic tone he adopted when he was really calmed, scared then relieved made her heart skip a beat. All the times they'd spent together, marched across the movie screen of her mind, and in that moment, she'd felt the tightening in her chest, the desire to leap for joy and the conviction that she loved him.

They say, when you've been through a lot together, really traumatic situations cause normal reserve into the background, and feelings are attached where there might not have been any before. Elizabeth would like to fool herself into believing that this was the case between her and John Sheppard. But, it would be a lie. There had always been an attraction, for sure on her part, and she'd imagined his reciprocation in the barbs and fussing they'd exchanged.

Elizabeth could admit, in that period when she truly thought him gone, that she was possessed of extremely deep feelings for him, thoughts she'd never had for Simon. Sheppard had become her best friend in the Pegasus Galaxy; they'd fought, laughed and planned life and death together.

Weir had squelched feelings of jealousy when she'd seen him getting closer to her only apparent rival - the younger leader of the Athosians, Teyla Emmagen. Teyla was beautiful, serene, a good fighter, athletic and younger than Elizabeth. Weir maintained a friendly relationship with her, and had carefully stepped on the green-eyed monster that stalked her heart when she saw John and Teyla together.

It wasn't that she disliked Teyla, not by a long shot. She admired the woman, admitted to herself that Teyla's beauty went without question: long reddish hair, brown skinned, dark-eyed girl who had the intelligence and wit to lead her people. Shorter, well-built and well-endowed, if anybody was going to turn Major Sheppard's head, it would be this woman.

Elizabeth shook herself free of the introspection and started back towards the command center, looking in the mirror as she departed the bathroom, continuing the comparison in spite of her best efforts to drag her mind back to the task at hand. John didn't seem to display anything beyond friendship for the Athosian leader. At least, she hoped that was the case. With this new enlightenment, it would be next to impossible for her heart not to break if she had to work next to them as a couple.

_You're rolling the tire uphill, Weir._ the commander of Atlantis thought to herself. _Nothing has happened yet, except John is alive and you have discovered new desires. Everything else is up for grabs._

-------

"Well, I'm home." Weir heard his voice in the lower level of the command center. Sheppard was home, and she couldn't wait to see him, smiling to herself at the silly short clip that ran unbidden through her imagination. If she walked up and kissed him, he would faint on the spot. When he'd left, they'd departed without so much as a handshake. If he came back to this, well - She dashed the rest of her imaginings. It was a nice thought.

Elizabeth walked toward him across the expanse of the control center's lower level, hugging him out of the blue for dear life.

"I was so scared I'd lost Atlantis, and most of all that I had lost you," she whispered to herself as she hugged him. _Oh Lord, I didn't mean to say that out loud. Did he hear me?_ Elizabeth felt his hand on her back. He held her close, and she wondered what he was thinking. Obviously, he had heard what she'd said, but right then, she just couldn't let him go. She trembled and he held her; it seemed forever. Yet, only a few seconds passed during the embrace.

Elizabeth wanted to tell him that she loved him. Now, however, was not the time, and the middle of the command center with curious personnel wandering back and forth was not the place. Besides, there was much they still needed to do including finding all of their missing fighting units. Dead or alive, they needed to be tended to.

She let Sheppard go then, smiling up at him, gazing into his dark eyes. He looked surprised, pleased but surprised. In that moment, Elizabeth realized that paradigms had shifted with the hug and her slip up, and that things would probably never be the same again. She didn't know where this was headed, but as they traded banal conversation and prepared to continue the fight, Elizabeth knew that they would talk later about other things, but for now, it was enough.

_And what about Simon?_ Elizabeth sighed. Her feelings still ran deep for a man a galaxy and a lifetime away.


End file.
